One snotty tissue at a time

It’s 3:30 am.

I don’t know if I am capable of stringing a few words together or not, I guess I’ll find out. So far so good.

I’m absolutely wrecked. My immune system tried really hard to beat this cold but it has given up. By sunrise I might be little more than a pile of liquid in pink pyjamas. Yes I’m exaggerating just a little there but it doesn’t feel like it.

I will spare you a photo because a) I’m feeding William b) I’m disgusting. I don’t really want a picture of this immortalised on the internet.

I am disappointed but not surprised that I am sick. Not enough sleep + abundance of germs + stress = no brainer. Tuesday afternoon the kids woke up from their naps covered in snot, they dribbled, sneezed and cried on me all afternoon and then Tuesday night I was up most of the night with William. He just felt sore, scared and sorry for himself I’d say. I cuddled him and fed him and did whatever it took to get him to sleep as peacefully as possible. I refused to co sleep in bed with William though because I had banged my head quite bad at playgroup earlier that day and didn’t want to risk accidentally smothering William if I slept deeper than normal. I passed the time by attempting to edit and post a blog post. I accidentally deleted it after I had edited it, tried again and made a total hash of it.

Corey took over with William at 4:30 ish so I got about 3 hours solid sleep in a bed Wednesday morning. That’s better than nothing and it kept me going strong. Other than a mild sniffle I was feeling great. A lovely friend from church came over and kept us company and did a whole bunch of housework for me and I ran around and did some stuff too and it was all good.

Feeling good Wednesday arvo I wanted to do something fun with the kids so we went outside and set up the playdoh. All fun until William tried to eat the playdoh. So back inside and trying to scoop it off the roof of his mouth. Then he peed all over me through his nappy and clothes. Then Corey needed me to find some information on something from some old paperwork we have somewhere in the house. I still can’t find it but I tried. The kids started getting crankier as the night air crept in. So did I.

I put myself to bed at 8:30 but William woke 15 minutes later. I fell asleep in the chair feeding for maybe an hour or so. When I tried to put him in his cot he woke and screamed. I haven’t been back to sleep yet. I took him into bed with me and that helped William get some sleep (after another feed of course) and me at least get a lie down. That’s when my nose decided to drip constantly and my ears decided to throw a tanty and the tiny little pixies decided to hash at my throat with razor blades. Hot cold hot cold freezing covered in sweat. Yeah not pretty.

William woke every 10 minutes or so anyway and needed me to reassure him I was still there. The poor little darling. I have some idea of how he must be feeling. I wish I could do something to take the pain away for him. I wish my nursing pyjamas weren’t in the wash. My tummy is cold. That won’t help.

*put a baby blanket over me and fell asleep. Woke half an hour or so later to hear Alexis coughing but bless her little heart she put herself back to sleep.*

I do not exactly recommend sleeping in a chair holding a baby. It is dangerous and it is uncomfortable. It is not a good quality of sleep for me nor the baby. It happens though as sometimes I just can’t keep my eyes open any longer. After trying several more times to put William down only to have him scream and fret I am fairly concerned about him. I guess we are off to the doctor tomorrow to see if he has another ear infection. Only if I can get some decent sleep though because I don’t exactly endorse driving in this state either.

It’s now 1:30 pm

William finally slept in his cot from 4:30 until Alexis woke us all up at 6:30. I am so very proud of Alexis. She is just as sick as William but she has been so stoic and understands that mummy needs to give William even more attention than normal so she needs to be brave. She is such an amazing big sister. I wish I could give her more one on one time. I really do. It will get easier in a few months, or so I’m told.

That’s life with young kids. Sometimes it is tough. I never have everything under control. There is always something going wrong. It’s snotty and messy and exhausting. I have to make tough decisions. It’s not always easy but I love it because I love my kids. I love them and I want to help them feel safe, secure, loved. So I do what I can, with a little help. I couldn’t do what I do without my husband, my family, my friends and my God. They strengthen me and encourage me and when I just can’t keep going they pick up the slack. When I’m a colossal fruitloop they forgive me because they understand.

We get by. One snotty tissue at a time. One feed at a time. One nappy malfunction at a time. One cuddle at a time. One hour at a time. One prayer at a time.