Nothing is sacred

From the early weeks of pregnancy it becomes painfully apparent that your life is no longer your own. This small living thing takes over your body so it is no longer your own. The tiny miracle causes incredible sickness and as he or she grows your body is stretched beyond comfort. Your belly itches. Your bladder,bowel and anything else getting in the way become playthings as the tiny body explores its new environment. Yes from very early on pregnant women realise that their bodies are not their own.

Through antenatal appointments and childbirth itself, you quickly learn that privacy and modesty is a thing of the past. Giving birth in a public teaching hospital is probably the socially acceptable form of a pretty girl getting drunk and falling asleep naked in a prison. Everybody wants a turn. Especially if there's stitches involved.

When you bring your darling creature home you expect a slight increase in modesty and privacy. Don't get your hopes up. If you choose to breastfeed, then say goodbye to modesty for however long you choose to feed. Or should I say until your child decides its time to stop playing with them. Also say goodbye to free-will and independence  because the baby will need you whenever you try to shower, sleep, or slip a morsel of food into your mouth. This is normal and somewhat expected.

Slowly but surely the little cherub takes over your stuff. Alexis took my chest of drawers, my blankets, my old toys, my boot space, my books, my spare room, my ipod, my cd player. Then she matured a little and now fights for control of the couch, the remote, the dvd player, my piano, the washing machine, the dryer, our playing cards, my art set… All this stuff is just stuff, so no big deal. Although now she wants my laptop, my phone and my wallet, and I have to draw the line somewhere but now she can reach the top drawers, the bottom two shelves of the cupboards, the kitchen table and the kitchen bench we are quickly running out of places out of reach.            

What hurts me the most is sharing my food. Alexis and I have very similar tastes. Ever since she started eating solids she has slowly but surely taken control of the fridge and pantry. One by one items have gone from "you won't like this" to "ok have a try." One by one I have to learn to share my favourite foods.  All of my favourite foods are now unable to be snuck into the house without Alexis finding them and pestering me until I let her devour them. Some are very good for her: pear, banana, strawberries (this still brings tears to my eyes), watermelon, grapes, sweet potato and yoghurt. Some are ok: peanut butter, cheese, just right, buttered toast, tomato sauce (random I know) and canned spaghetti. Other treats I would rather she avoid but over the last 6 months they've snuck in there anyway I always had to share with Corey but its different because Alexis can't hold her sugar anyway near as good as he can (he seems to be immune). These include banana cake, cupcakes, muffins, lollies and timtams (gasp!).

Indeed it would appear that nothing is sacred anymore but sometimes I forget.

Every now and then Alexis is so engrossed in TV that I think I can duck off to the bathroom for a few minutes. Foolishness. I don't know what it is but a mother can never be allowed to do their business in peace. It must be an unwritten law. Either the phone will ring, the door will be knocked on, or SHE WILL FIND ME! We have two bathrooms and it seems to be a game where she has to find me. Hide and seek anyone?

Well today while she was totally mesmorised watching something on TV I cut myself a nice slice of chocolate cake. I didn't let Alexis see me because I didn't want to share. Well, when you gotta go you gotta go, so I put the cake down on the kitchen bench and snuck off.  

She found me. She was incredibly proud of herself. I wasn't the only thing she had found. In her hand she clutched one small piece of chocolate cake. Crumbs covered her mouth and her clothes. They also covered the ensuite floor. Oh no, it's a very crumbly cake.  After the quick rush to wash hands etc I investigated the damage. She had spread a trail of cake crumbs from the kitchen bench out of the kitchen, through the dining room, along the hallway and across the master bedroom carpet.

A word of advice for you if you find yourself in this situation, don't try to vacuum it, it only makes it worse.

So I spent a few minutes scrubbing the bedroom carpet trying to get rid of smushed chocolate cake smears. It's not so bad. It's quite funny, really. I'm sure she enjoyed the cake, if any of it actually made it into her mouth. I really wanted that cake though! Oh well. Sharing is caring right?

One of these days I will get it through my head that she can reach the kitchen bench. It might be time to put that safety gate back up I think! We have thought about it, but one of the screwy things is missing and we haven't been able to find it yet.  Alexis has hidden it somewhere.  Argh she gets into everything. Please tell me I'm not a terrible negligent mother. Hehe. Toddlers get into things, right? She hasn't eaten cat poo or cockroaches yet. I choose to think I'm doing well!