It’s time for a light-hearted post. I have a few posts with “funny things kids do” in the tags, but this is the third one actually titled “funny things kids do”. The first one is sleep in random places and the second is poo in random places. This third one has been in the making for quite some time.
I have mentioned before how it is difficult for a mother to find the time to go to the toilet by herself (see ‘nothing is sacred‘). Before they are mobile, babies cry for mummy when a new mum tries desperately to go to the bathroom in peace. Once bub starts walking, then you have four options: one, leave bub strapped into the highchair with a biscuit watching TV; two, close the door and hope for the best; three, take bub with you; or four, sneak off while bub is happily doing something else and try to make it quick, knowing he or she will find you if he or she needs anything. I generally choose option four because options one and two too often end in annoying crying and, well, option three is a little ridiculous and trying to intentionally pry Alexis away from whatever she is engrossed in at the time doesn’t usually work well. So, too much information, but I usually say “mummy’s going to do wee-wees” and walk off, leaving her to play.
Almost always she finds me within a matter of seconds. If she doesn’t find me she goes to the other bathroom (we have two and they are at opposite ends of the house) and cries because I’m not there. When she does find me she is almost never empty handed. She almost always has some random “treasure” that she has found along the way. As weird and gross as it may be, it is better than her coming to the bathroom empty handed and leaving with the toilet paper (which she does with ninja-like stealth without me even noticing). It’s funny how she never brings toilet paper when I need it. No amount of trying to teach her that has worked, yet. She does bring a variety of things to keep us, um, entertained (?) though.
Here is a list of some of the stuff Alexis has brought me while I was on the toilet (yes, I’ve been sad enough to keep a vague record for such a time as I actually got around to posting this):
– Toys (duplo, stuffed toys, dolls, blocks, shape-o, plastic spade and rake, parts of her tree house toy thing, etc)
– The insert of a CD case (playschool if you needed to know)
– Shoes (many shoes many many times. rarely a pair but interestingly almost always a left and a right. Usually her shoes but also my slippers and her father’s good wedding shoes (COREY!))
– Clean clothes, scarves, belts, hats, handbags
– Chocolate cake (to read the story click here)
– Raw pasta (this was hilarious. She had gotten into the pantry, helped herself to three handfuls of raw pasta, and brought them to the bathroom. Each hand was full of pasta, the other handful was in her mouth. When I said “spit it out” she did so I said “good girl”. She then brought me another batch of pasta. I guess I have to be careful what I praise her for.)
– A broom (a full size kitchen broom. Unfortunately not in the same occasion as the pasta or chocolate cake)
– An ottoman
– Too many books to count, sometimes hers sometimes mine (one time she had a textbook so heavy that I myself can hardly lift it. That was kinda cute)
– Dirty towels out of the laundry hamper
– Laundry baskets
– Bubble bath, body wash, shampoo etc. (she apparently can reach the bathroom sinks too now)
– Tissue box
– Cardboard boxes (a shipping box and nappy boxes a few times, she proceeds to sit in those)
– A glass of water (yes a GLASS and it was full. I’ll blame the glass being there on hubby but I should have been paying more attention. Fortunately she did not break it)
– and just tonight she brought me the laundry hamper lids. Apparently they are comfortable to sit on while she “reads” herself a story. At least she wasn’t trying to paint the wall with the toilet brush.
Alexis, sweetheart, darling girl who lights up my life, mummy loves you so so much. You’re very clever and very funny, but sometimes mummy just wants a few minutes to go to the toilet in peace. One day you’ll have your own kid and you’ll understand.
Do your kids do things like this? Please tell me I’m not alone!
Toilet time is just beginning to get even more interesting. Stay tuned for more toilet humour in the near future