This is why I don’t often do things for myself

On Friday Corey booked us movie tickets for Saturday night. It was my idea, I wanted to do something nice for him.

On Friday night William didn’t sleep well, on Saturday he wasn’t his cheery self, and by Saturday afternoon he was running a fever. I didn’t want to go to the movies anymore. I didn’t want to leave William. Hubby and mum bullied me into going. I’m kind of glad they did and yet I kind of wish they had taken me seriously when I said I couldn’t leave William.

William was happy while mum was here babysitting. He had a play, ate his food, went to sleep. We had a nice time at the movie, got home, William woke up. 10pm both kids still up. Finally got him down about 11, he was up before 12. At 4am I handed him to Corey. Corey got him to sleep instantly (typical) and went back to bed. I got up to William at about 8? 4, maybe 5 hours sleep all up, I guess that’s not too bad.

Corey woke up, showered, fed Alexis breakfast then rushed off to church for rehearsal. Half an hour I called him begging him to come get Alexis . “William and I can’t go, he has a rash, I’m pretty sure it’s hand foot and mouth disease.” I made a doctors appointment for William to confirm it was nothing too serious but they were running very late so we had to sit for two hours before we finally got in. Yes it’s what I thought and because it’s viral there’s nothing they can do. Just give him lots of fluids.

So William can’t go near children for a week. Meaning I can’t go anywhere for a week. Oh goody.

I sent Corey and Alexis shopping after church to buy a few things. They forget the urgent things but did come home with McDonald’s. Food is good.I was so hungry, because from 8am until 12 I had fed pretty much constantly except for 2 lots of 20 minutes in the car. It might not seem like a big deal except I am still recovering from a gastro-type illness myself. A few days ago I thought my milk was going to dry up completely. I am so dehydrated my skin is dry and cracked but somehow my body is still making milk. So it’s been a drain on my body.

William had a nice long day sleep smack bang in the middle of our queen bed and we let him stay there because we figured he really needed the sleep. Alexis refused to have a nap. I drifted in and out of consciousness cuddled up with William in bed while Corey tried really hard to keep Alexis quiet at the other end of the house. Alexis didn’t want a bar of being quiet and didn’t really stop sooking until she had successfully woken her brother and I up for good.

We had a bit of quiet family time in the arvo before Corey went off to do the groceries. It’s a sad day when he’d rather do the groceries than play with his children but I totally understand. Even more ironic is that he forgot the baby bath product that I specifically sent him for, lol, but he did come home with dinner. Yum. I do cook sometimes I swear but it’s really hard to cook while I have a 7 month old permanently attached to the breast. Corey can cook but it’s easier to cook when there’s food in the fridge… It gets a bit like this sometimes…

Alexis went to bed at 6:30 because she was so tired due to not napping. I got William down not long after. I was about to go to sleep (yes at 7:30) when William woke up. Corey and I tried every conceivable legal thing to get him back to sleep. At 9:30 he woke Alexis up and she refused to go back to bed.

At 11 William finally fell asleep but Alexis was crying and sooking and kept waking him. As tired and frustrated as I was it still was breaking my heart to hear her sobbing (through Corey trying to settle her) “I want my mummy!” Poor Corey. Poor Alexis. So I hand William to Corey and go lie in bed with Alexis. We have a little chat and sing Jesus loves me and I tell her I’m so proud of her for sharing mummy with her little brother and at that point William woke up again and I was summoned back to deal with him. Corey was well and truly over it by this stage. I don’t imagine it would feel nice for him when both kids fight over me.

So I got William back to sleep but Alexis started up again. So Corey said she could sleep with me in the big bed. Great. I had wanted to cosleep with William so I actually you know got a little bit of sleep. Meh.

William stayed asleep in his cot for an hour, just long enough for Alexis to finally fall asleep. Thank you Jesus. Now I’ve snuck out to feed and I’m praying I can get William back to sleep, get to the toilet then sneak back in bed without waking Alexis.

I love that my kids love me. I guess it’s good that they missed me. I need to go and do things like go to the movies with Corey occasionally. It was great fun. In a way it gave me the strength to survive another day. I do wonder though, if I’d been home feeding William instead of off at the movies, if we might have avoided all this. I have antibodies to HFMD and they would be in my milk. He had been feeding a lot for days. I wonder if he might have beaten it or if he would have still got sick sunday anyway or if he might of put it off a few more days before finally getting sick. I will never know and it doesn’t make any difference now anyway but I can’t help feel the slightest tinge of mummy guilt that he needed me and I wasn’t here. The kids are obviously picking up on this and exploiting it just a little. Alexis hasn’t really seen me all weekend though (Saturday morning she has swimming then she slept then I left to go to the doctors myself then Corey and I went to the movies. Today she had church then shopping then I was asleep then she went to bed early.) and when she has seen me I’ve been feeding William most of the time. Poor poppet. She will survive. I will make it up to her one day. Someday.

This is why I don’t often do things for myself.