This post is my Me and YOU Monday post for week 6. It explains how I went with week 5’s goal of taking what I’d learnt already in my head and allowing God to place it on my heart. The plan was that instead of trying really hard to not stress, not swear, and not speak in a harsh way, I’d ask God to change my heart so that I don’t want to do those things anymore. You know what? I really can say in all honesty that God has done what I asked Him to and changed my heart.
I can’t say that it’s happened to the extent that I was hoping:
I don’t want to enforce a set of rules on myself but instead be transformed in the way I think and feel and thus act and react so that instead of instinctively having a habit of stressing I have a habit of trusting God, so that instead of swearing and cutting others down with my words I have a habit of speaking positively and truthfully and nicely. I want to see others as God sees them (valuable, worthy, loved, precious) and to do that I need to see myself as God sees me (yes, I am those things too, in His eyes).
I’ve still been accused of being selfish by my biggest critics at times. Family are the hardest people to convince because they see the worst of me, but at the same time they’re the most gracious and forgiving because they really love me. 🙂
I can honestly say though that God has begun the transformation process and I’ve changed enough that I’ve noticed the change. Corey has noticed the change too, which is really important to me and feels great.
Here’s a few examples:
- Yesterday was the first time I haven’t had a minor “panic attack” (for want of a better word) before going to church. I didn’t stress out and Corey and I didn’t fight. We weren’t tempted to go back to sleep. I didn’t even get upset when I noticed my shirt had a big gross stain across the chest, I just changed my shirt. This might not seem like a big deal, but those who know me personally know that this is a pretty huge deal after all.
- Alexis went off to Sunday school after worship and I didn’t even worry about her. I trusted the leaders to look after her and I trusted her to behave.
- She stayed there the entire time and Corey and I were able to listen to and enjoy the sermon. It was so great!
- After church I was lining up to make a coffee for the pastor who was busy with her kids. I had already been away from Alexis for some time and she was missing me so I wanted to be done as soon as possible. I was almost at the front of the line when the pastor’s sister pushed in front of me. Instead of getting upset about it I just thought, “she’s been here from early in the morning for music practice, she probably really needs that coffee” and waited patiently.
- Corey flew to and from Sydney on Wednesday and it’s the first time I haven’t worried about him while he’s been on the plane. I didn’t have to tell myself not to worry, I just didn’t!
- I’ve been noticing the work Corey does around the house to help and thanking him for it. Mostly. I still fail at this at times, but when I have focused on the negative (aka what he forgot to do) instead of the positive I’ve realised fairly quickly and felt bad about it.
- I’ve felt easier letting Corey know when I’m tired and worn out instead of trying to persevere and burning out.
- Corey promised to mop the floor on the weekend (it’s really hard for me to do) and when I noticed at 8pm that we’d forgotten to do it, instead of swearing at him or saying “you promised and you haven’t done it”, I just said, “hey babe, is it possible you could please mop the floor before bed?”