How to do an assignment, Karlee style

I submitted another physics assignment on Friday.

It wasn’t a particularly difficult assignment but it took me three weeks? Which is kind of crazy isn’t it.

Here’s how to do an assignment, Karlee style.

Week one
Continue normal domestic duties until child-free day. Open the book. Look at it. Burst into tears because brain is full of snot. Go to your doctors appointment. Doctor will be running ridiculously late but it is worth it for the script for antibiotics for infected ears. Go to chemist for antibiotics. Do the groceries. Come home. Put everything away. Have a nap. Wake up. Have a bath. Open the book. Do some background reading and background questions. Two or three will do. You don’t want to peak too early. Recommence domestic duties with impending arrival of husband and children.

Week two: normal domestic duties until child-free day. Take kids to childcare. Come home. Have shower. Get hair cut. Get eyebrows waxed for first time in months. Hide in bathroom embarrassed until stop crying. Rush through groceries with red blotches on face. Come home exhausted from embarrassment. Put dinner in slow cooker. Chat to husband who is stuck at airport. Chastise him for wasting your time coz doesn’t he know you should be studying? 😉 Have a nap.

Wake up. Eat something. Locate physics book. Locate calculator. Locate pen. Locate textbook. Locate notebook. I must warn you, none of these things will be in same place as the other and none will be where you left them last time. Open book. Do background reading. Read background questions. Search for calculator.

Continue searching for calculator.

Do a load of washing.

Go to toilet for 456th time that day.

Commence textbook questions without calculator. Eat chocolate. Find calculator. Do more questions. Read assignment questions.

Welcome home your husband.

Pick up kids from daycare.

Week three
Get kids babysat on Monday but only to return to doctor to request more antibiotics. Also visit obstetrician who tells you that you’re too young to have three kids. Choose to take it as a compliment.

On child-free day:
Clean up from breakfast.
Put washing on.
Make cupcakes.
Hang washing.
Wash up from cupcakes.
Have a bath.
Try to nap but have ridiculous phone call from daycare centre. Fob them off.
Do groceries.
Put groceries away.
Eat lunch.
Have a nap.
Wake up.

Locate physics textbook, physics workbook, notebook, pen, pencil. Locate calculator. Complete background reading.

Commence reading assignment. Do first few questions.

Search for graph paper and ruler. These will not be in the same place either. Search for pencil sharpener. Do graph. Scratch head.

Make more cupcakes.

Go back to assignment. Read final set of questions.

Take washing off line. Check mail. Read mail.

Put dinner in oven.

Complete assignment in workbook. (Max 20 minutes.)

Realise hubby is about to finish work.

Commence online submission:
– turn computer on
– locate mouse (allow ten minutes)
– restart to install updates
– answer phone call from husband: yes please pick up children from daycare, it is socially unacceptable to leave them there and runaway.
– load website
– enter answers (2 minutes)
– scan graph (15 minutes)
– upload graph
– submit


Are you tired yet?

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