I remember the moment that Corey and I found out we were going to be parents as if it was yesterday. I can still feel the excitement, the nervous energy, the joy, the expectation, the honour, the love. So much love. Love for our amazing Creator who placed that little bundle of life in me, love for the little “thing” living inside of me, love for my husband who helped put it there. I cannot actually remember a time when I ever felt more in love with Corey than that very moment. That’s a pretty big call considering we’d already had five incredible years together that included a proposal, a wedding, a honeymoon, and some very romantic surprises here and there. I’m serious though. I looked at him that day in a whole new way. We weren’t kids anymore. We had made a kid. We were going to be parents. I was scared as all heck but I was so incredibly excited and so incredibly in awe. So was he. We couldn’t stop looking at each other and giggling and going “oh my gosh oh my gosh” and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
It’s pretty funny that when faced with such an amazing responsibility we had such a child-like response, but that’s Corey and I to a tee. My heart raced faster than I thought was humanly possible. The nausea and dizziness that had plagued me all day didn’t bother me anymore. I kept running back to look at the stick and check that the second line was still there. it was incredibly faint, but it was there. Eventually we went to the doctors and the doctor confirmed what we already knew. It was very early though so we couldn’t tell anyone yet and we shouldn’t get too excited until the blood test confirmed it and time made sure the pregnancy was viable. It was too late though, we were already excited. It was the end of the world as we knew it, and we felt great.
I’m participating in a project at Seven Cherubs called “Cherish Your Cherubs”. This week’s project was to remember a time in our cherubs’ lives that stands out. Many people will do their birth story. The closest thing I have is a post called big head.) Many will pick cute moments that they have shared with their kids (I love this post I wrote about breastfeeding called magic moments). Alexis and I have many little traditions that are worth remembering (such as spontaneous dance break). The moment that stuck the firmest in my mind though is the moment I have just described, the two little pink lines and the immense pride that came with them. I know I didn’t even know Alexis yet, but she was there with us and it was a very real moment for us. I am quite serious when I say that when I think back I can place myself in that room and feel the very things I felt as if I am standing there right now. I can’t do that with the labour, probably a mixture of self-preservation and the laughing gas. I remember when we found out we were expecting Baby Wormy too. For some reason they’re just really big moments for me. I will go into a bit more detail now, for the people who like details. Feel free to read along, but I put the actual moment up the top of the post because that’s my favourite bit. 🙂
It was Wednesday 3rd June 2009. Corey and I had plans to join my mother, sister and brother in law at mum n dads to watch the state of origin.
It was about 1pm. I was at work (as a medical laboratory scientist). It was a horrible shift. It was during the swine flu panic but there was also a whooping cough outbreak. Life was very difficult. I was working long hours, not sleeping properly and like my colleagues I was under a lot of pressure to work quickly. I wanted to get out on time and I was very stressed, there's no doubt about it, but I also wasn't feeling well. I was really not feeling well. I was dizzy, vague, nauseous, weak, tired. I wasn't sure if I was going to vomit or faint. I burst into tears.
My colleagues probably initially thought I was faking a sicky, but when the pathologist saw me while she was passing through she was genuinely concerned. I was sent to the sickbay for a while. I was meant to calm down and come back out but I just felt worse. I had a terrible headache as well. After an hour or so I got the guts to tell my boss I was going home. I was shakey and dizzy and did not want to be playing with the kind of samples I was meant to be analysing while I was in that state. I didn't have the energy to explain to him how I was feeling. I just squeezed out in between tears "I feel gross". He asked me if I was just stressed about finishing the shift I said no it felt like my head was actually gonna explode and I was worried about stabbing myself on something coz I kept going dizzy. I had spent a fair bit of time in the freezer that morning and said maybe that had messed me around. He wasn't real impressed but he knew I wasn't gonna be any use at work and he let me go, on the proviso that I didn't drive.
I rang Corey to come pick me up. On the way home we stopped to buy a pregnancy test. We both knew. We rushed in the door. I peed on the stick and he set up the timer. It was the longest 2 minutes ever. At the last moment a second pink line appeared, we were going to have a baby!!!
We celebrated for hours (as above) then we thought we should go to the doctor. Then we grabbed some HJs and drove to mums.
It was impossible to concentrate on the football. Mum guessed something was up and so we told her but not the others as dad wasn't home and we didn't have blood test results yet.
At work the next day everyone was worried about me. I was still rather out of it, and I found it difficult to be on my feet all day and couldn't keep up with the pace. Pretty much everyone knew by Friday. I couldn't keep it a secret.
Corey and I pretty much knew that we were expecting baby Wormy right from the start. My body went straight into pregnancy mode and I had felt it all before. I had to wait for him to come home from a business trip before taking a test. Finding out I was pregnant with Alexis was the coolest thing we ever shared and so I did not want to do it without him.
His arrived home quite late. I insisted we take the test even though we were tired because I couldn't wait any longer. The second pink line came up within seconds this time. We were incredibly excited and crazy in love like we were when we found out were pregnant with Alexis.
After a while though Corey wanted to go to sleep, but my brain started wanting to plan everything. "We will need a bigger car," "we will need a bigger house or to cope without a study," which room will we move Alexis to," "will we move her straight to a bed?" "Do I have to wean Alexis?" I was driving Corey (and myself) nuts with questions. Questions that should have waited til morning.
I feel a little guilty that I didn't enjoy the moment longer. It definitely wasn't quite the same as the first time around. It was still very special, it just didn't last as long. I felt an incredible love for my unborn child and so blessed to be having a second child. I felt so close to Corey. There also wasn't the "am I going to be a terrible mother" question in the back of my mind the second time around. Fussing over the house was really my way of being excited. I still laid awake for hours that night praying for the baby and thanking God, I just had a little detour first.
I'm glad I have only happy stories to tell about finding out I was pregnant. If all I have to regret is being concerned about car seats and furniture rearranging rather than staring at my tummy for hours then I am truly blessed. For many people finding out they were pregnant was not a joyful moment. It's my personal belief that every child is a gift from God regardless of the circumstances in which he or she was conceived but I'm very grateful that I've never had to personally test that theory. Don't beat yourself up if you weren't happy with the news when you discovered two pink lines (or equivalent), that doesn't make you a bad parent. All that matters is that you love your children now. For me though, both my kids have brought me joy right from the first moment I knew they existed. These memories have stuck in my memory. For that I am so grateful.